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Deviation Actions
Periodic Update
I'm going to remove Breaking The Awkward Meter entirely. It needs entirely rewritten because it's very upsetting. I wrote that in an emotionally blind state almost eleven years ago, controlled by my trauma. I'm going to scrap nearly the entirety of the story for something else. I want to do better. What severely dissociated trauma part even wrote it that way, though??? *screaming ensues* I have so many issues I barely know where to begin at times. I am still digging out the poisonous claws embedded in me. I really just started processing my childhood about a year ago. I've got a long way to go still. After foster care, I was incredibly isolated in a very rural community (not even a village). I didn't see much bigotry, but that's because there was almost no one around. I was extremely lonely. My social skills are shit and it took way too long to understand what was and wasn't appropriate. I'll probably remove certain other things over time. I'm not sure what all will go yet, though. We'll see.
Important Notice (also discusses trauma)
If anyone who knew me back before, say, 2017 is still active on here, I'd just like to apologize for being an ass. I was really not aware of how badly I was handling my mental health. It took the pandemic starting and life turning upside-down to show me where I really was. I'm still getting a grip on things, but I've at least gained a bit more self-awareness. I was thoughtless and probably very rude at times. And probably also really annoying. I was on a lot of bullshit at times, and I'm sure it affected how I interacted with others. It's going to take time for me to share any more of my writing again, because I still need to continue sorting through all my stuff. There are so many clues about myself there, and I'm still putting forgotten pieces of my past together. I was treated so badly as a child during foster care that I literally couldn't even form a coherent sense of self. Even now, I still barely know myself, apparently. I have no idea how long this is going to take. So I apologize again. If you enjoyed my work, I'm glad. But it's something I now look at with varying degrees of discomfort. Parts of me are disturbed by myself, and it's all very messy as a result. I guess somewhere along the way, some of me decided to embrace being ‘bad’, because it's how I was treated by others, excluding my parents. I decided to be a bit of an edgelord, because why not? I was a literal bastard child (by historical definition) fueled by fundamentalist Christian indoctrination. They actually made me not even identify as human. And that's about the sum of it. I'm still going through some shit, still pretty sure this world is Hell, but I'm trying to do better. Therapy and medication helps me a lot.
Devious Journal Entry
Wow, I've been gone a while. From this place, anyway. I'm way more active on tumblr. I'll try to be around more here, but I literally can't promise anything. There's been so much going on that I struggle to be consistent on much of anything. And I think I tried to detach from here because I still remember those times I was a completely arse. And it still kills me inside. But my mental health is a bit better and I don't want to hide away completely anymore.
I'm going to try to start writing my stories again and get back into my other things. It's probably going to be slow, though. Let me know if there's something you're particularly interested
*flops over*
Well, looks like the cat came back.
To be honest, I’m not doing well. This coronavirus, the damnable Covid-19, has made a mess of things. And it comes after being pushed very hard by other events in my life. I very nearly went homeless at the end of August. I also nearly went mad at the end of last semester. I am very, very tired.
I don’t know what’s coming next. I really, really have no clue. I guess I’m just waiting for the next thing. I am glad I finally got Entanglement finished and posted, though. That was good.
Hasta luego!
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also i call dibs on using the sheets as coverup